Do Without
by LeaNicolaie
Summary: AU - Kuran Arashi had thought he knew his parents... implied pairings


A/N: Mm, I preferred to keep things vague in the summary, but just so some poor wandering souls aren't shocked in a bad way, this will imply some m/m, or slash, or yaoi, or whatever you like to call it, so if those of you reading this now are averse to it, please keep away and wander back to your comfort zone XD That obviously includes the KanaYuu fans :D

If there's anything else worth noting, it's that this is real random XD and for some things, you'll have to use your own imagination for to fill in the gaps.

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**Do Without  
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Kuran Arashi had always been sure of his parents' love for each other. I mean, it was obvious, right? They shared those secret looks, smiled tenderly at each other, and were so very careful and gentle every time they had an opportunity to show some physical affection. They were in love. And he thought they always would be, that they always had been. They were siblings born for each other. His mother was the only one for his father and his father for his mother.

Unlike most children his age, he'd thought it sweet and warm, and wished he would also come to love someone as much as his parents seemed to love each other. It all seemed so wonderful, to be able to cherish that one person and have them feel the same for him in turn.

He still wished for it, but now he wasn't so certain his parents had it. Oh, they loved each other, he knew they did, but he was starting to doubt whether it was the type of love he'd thought they'd shared. As he grew older from that young idealistic child, he began to see more of his parents, more of their 'love'.

They hugged and kissed, even rubbed noses playfully at times, acted like they were the only ones existing in the room, but the adoration they shared, the warmth in their eyes was tinged with wistfulness, a longing, yearning desperation for _something_ that Arashi couldn't even begin to guess what for. They were together for as long as they lived, what more could anyone need? What did they want for so strongly?

It was something to think about, and perhaps he should have, but he'd been easily distracted by the other ongoings in his life to give it any further thought. And soon enough, it was completely under his radar, only resurfacing some years later when he'd had his first crush.

She was of noble status, a beautiful girl, with milky white skin, even for a vampire, and precious pale violet eyes that he couldn't get enough of. She'd looked as though she'd been kissed by the moon the day she was born, and Arashi had thought the world of her.

His parents, however, had vastly different reactions when he'd invited her over to play. They hadn't seemed to dislike her, but they certainly weren't comfortable with having her around. Arashi had been immensely thankful she hadn't seemed to mind.

'_I'm here to play with __you__, aren't I?'_ Her dismissive tone had made him laugh, and it still did. Kirise Rei was a force of nature to be sure.

But even if it hadn't bothered her, it bothered him greatly, that his parents were so uncomfortable in her presence. He'd boldly asked why, to which he'd only received clipped, pained smiles for his effort. When they caught each other giving the same expression, their smiles turned more brittle, even a bit bitter, before they looked away, going their separate ways.

It had been the first time he'd ever seen them look at each other that way, and he was left stunned, numb in the realization that not everything for them was perfect, that all they shared wasn't just happy smiles and secret looks and chaste kisses on the cheek.

But why? Didn't they love each other anymore? Were they having a fight? He wanted to help them make up, if that were the case, and brought his mother her favorite flowers, surprising her with a huge bouquet of large white roses, and pushed his father for another game of chess.

If only he'd known what the actual problem was, he wouldn't have wasted his efforts on such things…

But he'd thought it'd worked, as they both sent him loving smiles, and told him what a considerate son they had. The possibility of his parents paying him the same consideration had never occurred to him. That they'd been alarmed by his worry, and had only sought to ease his concerns by acting as though everything was fine, when in fact, nothing had ever been.

It'd been small instances like those that'd kept adding on, filling the puzzle piece by agonizing piece, until one devastating night, he'd heard his parents argue for the first time, and nearly everything had come into focus.

_'Yes! But we couldn't have done anything then, Kaname!'_ His mother had actually raised her voice.

_'And I want to believe that, you want to believe that, but it's true you as well blame yourself for what happened.'_

His mother let out a strangled sob. _'And?! Do you think I enjoy feeling this way? If I could—'_ She cut herself off with a pained moan.

_'And that is what we've always tortured ourselves over for, isn't it, Yuuki? Haunted by those what ifs that would never come to pass._

_'And I've wondered if what happened might have been for the best—'_

_'How dare you—!'_

_'Yuuki, please hear me out, please,'_ and Arashi had never heard his father sound so miserable. _'It is utterly selfish of me, but that is nothing new. I know how this must sound to you, but whenever I think of him leaving us completely, cutting ties with us… I,'_ his voice trembled, _'I cannot help but think it was better for him to have left us in a way that showed how much he'd cared.'_

_'…You…are selfish, Kaname, so much,'_ his mother whispered fiercely, harshly. Arashi winced. _'But we all are, and even if I don't share the same thought, I can understand why.'_

_'He chose neither of us, and that meant he could have chosen someone else.'_

_'You couldn't have felt happy for him?'_

_'Of course, but not truly, no,'_ his father's was quiet with guilt and shame. _'Is that not the same for you?'_

_'You know the answer to that, Kaname.'_

Neither of them said a word for the longest time before his mother just let out a soft tear filled sigh.

_'I miss him.'_ He'd never heard her sound so heartbroken.

_'And I as well.'_

His mother laughed humorlessly. _'We're both so hopeless. What would he say if he saw us like this?'_

_'That we're acting terribly pathetic, especially at our age, mock us in that way only he ever managed, maybe gifting us with one of his smiles.'_ His father's voice had lightened, but it was still heavy with grief. _'Ah, and nonsensically blame it on our being purebloods, of course. He couldn't go without a day insulting our kind at least once.'_

_'…Yes, maybe…'_ His mother's voice had softened a margin. _'He did at least care for us, didn't he?' _Her tone took on a near childish quality, seeking for reassurance.

_'You know he did.'_

_'I wish—'_

_'Yuuki,'_ his voice was so very gentle, so very sad, _'I'd rather we not put ourselves through any more by wishful thinking.'_

_'Right. Right…but still, I wish I could see him again.'_

_'Yuuki…'_

_'And I wish I could tell him I love him.'_

Arashi nearly gave himself away by gasping. He forcibly calmed himself by trying to rationalize she may be simply talking about a friend she'd lost contact with.

_Right, and the world is flat_, his mind sneered. You know whomever they're talking about is anything but a 'friend'. The sheer amount of emotion they spoke with said 'he' was much more than that.

_'Yuuki…'_

_'It's time you said it out loud. It's been so long. At least lessen one burden off your shoulders, Kaname.'_

_'Yuuki, I—'_ He paused, actually sounding nervous now, unsure, _'I, I wish I could see him as well.'_

_'Kaname,'_ his mother warned.

_'And,'_ his father continued,_ 'I wish I could tell him I love him.'_

_Mother, Father…_ Arashi had refused to leave his room for three days. They'd gotten properly concerned of course, but he couldn't face them, not with what he'd come to know.

_You mean overhear._

_Same difference!_ He snapped. His parents were not in love. They loved each other, but not as 'husband and wife'. How could they, when they loved, no, were in love with someone else? The same person at that too.

And now he wanted to know something else. Who was 'he'? And where in the world was he, when his parents were suffering so much at not being able to see him? They were so in love with him, how could he just leave them?

To turn away the love of a pureblood… And he suddenly understood why they might have reacted to Rei the way they did. The way they spoke of him, he sounded much like her. Rei was the only vampire lower in rank that still treated him as she would anyone else. She laughed with him, _at_ him, and certainly didn't hold back when insulting him. She had a rather sharp tongue, and wielded it expertly like a taming whip for the arrogance of high society, never failing to bring it down a peg or six when necessary.

Hope flared in his heart when he distinctly remembered Aidou Hanabusa making a particular comment about Rei,

'_Ugh, not only does she look like someone I'd rather not have a reminder of, she even sounds like him!'_

It was a long shot, but the blond might just know something.

And he had.

Arashi almost wished he never asked.

_Kiryuu Zero_. That was 'him'. Aidou had clearly never liked him, but he did hold a grudging amount of respect for him, for his stern resolve, unbelievable control, and what he'd accomplished in his short life.

Yes, Aidou had spoken of him in the past tense, and Arashi hadn't missed 'short life'. If he'd been as powerful as the blond described him to be, he should still be here, no?

But he wasn't, and it hadn't been by choice.

Humans were so terribly wrong in that vampires weren't immortal. They aged and died just as they did, just at a slower rate. They were not invincible, nor infallible, and were most certainly prone to mistakes, sometimes colossal ones. Ones that cost the lives of loved ones.

_'He was like an avenging angel during that battle, and as a vampire, he went down with the highest honor, protecting a pureblood from a direct attack that could have killed them. As a hunter, he prevented another war from breaking out.'_

_'Protect…? My Mother or Father?'_

_'…Your father.'_

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Disclaimer: No own Vampire Knight.

Thank you for reading! :D More weirdness all round, yes... If some are confused, it's totally understandable, for others going 'WTF where's the rest?!' I deeply apologize, you'll have to work with your own creativity for this one, as I can't provide all the answers (translation: too lazy XD) But I think the major points became rather obvious by the end, so it's not as though not knowing the tiny details will cost anything.

Oh, and if anyone can catch onto the significance of the name of Arashi's first crush, that'd be so totally awesome XD


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